Sunday, May 9, 2010

It's Not Working

It's true what they say. You will do almost anything to not miss a mortgage payment. You will ask family for money. You will destroy your credit. You will try to do anything to not lose your house.
I was doing so few real estate deals that I had to take a second job. I am trained as a baker, so that is what I turned to. I woke at 3am to do my baking baking duties. At 12:30pm I would go out to my car to catch a quick 30 minute nap, go to my gym to shower and put on a suit, and then try to do real estate. To say that I was not at the top of my game would be a gross understatement.
My life became a tunnel, and I could no longer see into the far future. I could only see from month to month, to the day when my mortgage bill came along with all those delinquent bills. At this time gas was rising to above $4 a gallon. What should have been easy choices in normal times, becme dilemmas over paying my phone bill, getting some gas or buying some food.
Over hanging all of this was the deep feeling of shame and embarrassment.Taking a financial fall brought me back to all the wrong choices I has made, and I was weighed down by self dought, and thoughts of self destruction. At a time when I should have been reaching out for help, I was hiding in my bedroom, sleeping 12 hours a day, afraid to answer the phone or even look in the mail box.